On Spirits And Cock Tales . . .

Bloody Marys and Mimosas: For those lushes who need an excuse to drink first thing in the morning.

Wine: For those times you’re feeling horny but it’s not the appropriate time and place to fuck.

Vodka: For those times a gig is too unbearable to play or some bitch is too ugly to fuck sober.

Beer: For those times when you want to feel completely unfettered by mothafuckas chillin’ on your nutz!!! #mfcomn

Sake: For those times you get an invitation to a bukkake and you’re a mysophobe.

Boilermakers: For those times Betty Hairston shows up at your crib and said you asked her to marry you. #sanfordandson

Daquiris: For those times when you’re hot and on the beach and kinda wanna knock out these bitch-ass mothafuckas that keep hittin’ on yo’ ol’ lady in front of you but need something to help keep your cool.

Long Island Ice Tea: For closet alcoholics who want to feel better about ordering rum, tequila, vodka, and gin in a single serving.

– Nicholas Payton