On Why Mothafuckas Chillin’ On Big Bird’s Nutz

The American people as a whole are so easily manipulated it’s no wonder the country’s in decline. Critical thinking is at an all-time low. People just go with what they see on the surface and never bother to probe any deeper. Who has the time? We’re too busy fucking around on Twitter and Facebook to deal with real thought. Everyone’s logging on to see who can make the wittiest quip, or cackle like kids in kindergarten about the Sesame Street memes floating around in cyberspace. I’m all about maintaining a childlike perspective throughout adulthood, but there’s a reason we grow up.

Which Of These Kids Is Doing His Own Thing?

As long as Americans remain so gullible and easily led, we will remain in the dark regardless of which candidate wins. Think for yourselves people, please. Just because you see some shit on the Internet or TV doesn’t make it real.

Save The Babies

With all the hundreds of millions of dollars both candidates have raised in campaign funds so far, wouldn’t that money be of more use to low-wage and unemployed citizens trying to feed themselves or their families? How about helping disabled veterans? If either Romney or Obama really practiced what they preached, they’d give that money directly to those in need. How avant-garde would that be? I can’t think of a greater campaign strategy. Clearly being the more popular nominee is more a priority than the people.

The Pot Calling The Kettle Black

So everyone is saying that Mitt Romney won the debate last night. . . . Won how? By telling the American people what they wanted to hear? For being assertive enough to take charge in a situation where there were clear openings? Is that not the whole point of a debate? Did he lie? So what. In a political debate, honesty does not necessarily score a victory.

Some Obamaphiles fault Jim Lehrer for failing as a moderator and having a bias towards Mr. Romney. I didn’t get that from it at all. From what I saw, both candidates ignored his timing signals. Did Mr. Romney bogart the proceedings? Definitely. He tactically measured his opponent’s weakness and responded swiftly and successfully. Did anyone else notice how adamant Romney was that since Obama started the first segment, he had a right to respond last in that segment. Conversely, Obama wasn’t adamant at all when he was not allowed to respond last in the second segment. That’s not Lehrer’s fault. The president had every right to speak up just as Romney did. Obama certainly did make mention when his last 5 seconds were interrupted before he took another 50.

Let’s be clear, all politicians lie. It’s not possible to be one if you don’t. It’s essentially a matter of voting for who you believe lies least. These days, choice is consistently a case of the lesser of evils. The question is: Can you tell the lessor from the lessee?

“If you stick a knife in my back 9-inches and pull it out 6-inches, there’s no progress. If you pull it all the way out, that’s not progress. The progress is healing the wound that the blow made and they haven’t even begun to pull the knife out, much less try and heal the wound. They won’t even admit the knife is there.”

-El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz

Mitt Romney (Vomit Around Me)

Romney’s a dickhead. We all know that. You can tell just by that plastic smirk he wore the whole time the president was speaking. Get your camera face together, son. Self-awareness is a mothafucka. The eyes don’t lie. Governor Romney clearly is an intelligent guy, which leads me to believe he’s at least smart enough to look as congenial as President Obama appeared to be.

Barack’s Rocks

Barack ain’t no punk. I know it’s popular to say he has no balls, but he does. Anyone who can get on national television several times to claim to have killed Osama bin Laden, is a gangster. Why then was he feigning restraint and mumbling disapproval to himself during the first debate the whole time Romney was lying but refused to really call “Bullshit!”? Romney clearly had no issue calling the president out.

The Chess Players

This shit is all a game. These guys are great method actors. Who won? Nobody, and as a result, the American people lose. As you saw after the sparring session, they came out of their respective corners and shook hands like everything was cool. That’s because none of this means anything. All the Obamaphytes are praying that he’s just playing possum and that he’s luring Romney into his trap so he can pounce later. They feel Obama to be a chess player and is in it for the long game. But what I saw last night wasn’t chess; it was checkers.

The caveat is: When you take into account that most people function at a pubescent level of maturity, it all makes sense.

-Nicholas Payton

The SaveYour Of The World

Everyone wants a savior. Thing is, the savior can’t save yours. As long as the American people believe they need a leader or a role model to show them a better way, some pimp is always going to be willing to step in and sell you a dream. There is only one party: The Elite. All this Republican/Democratic stuff is just for show. The fact that most American adults today are still so enamored with Big Bird is just one example of how infantile the psyche is.

Nobody Here But Us Chickens . . .

Kill Big Bird. I don’t give a shit. Jim Henson’s a genius, but posthumously The Muppets have plummeted. Have you seen Sesame Street lately? Sesame Street used to cultivate young minds, now it panders to the popular aesthetic. We’re a long way from Mr. Hooper and it’s 10 zillion light years away from what most 30-year-olds and up remember.

Some people argue that you have to meet people where they are, but meeting people where they are is exactly the problem. We must bring people up. It’s hard to get a baby to develop a taste for broccoli when all you’ve fed them is high-fructose corn syrup. To me, it all comes down to exposure.

Education and entertainment are not mutually exclusive ideals. I remember when Sesame Street was enlightening on all levels. As an adult you can watch those classic episodes and they still hold up. I can recall Stevie Wonder being on the show; today’s answer is to have an episode starring Katy Perry.

Sesame Street used to be hood; it has now been gentrified.

The quality of programming on PBS has not evolved — much like society itself — to the contrary. I guess the overall sentiment is that the shitty programming on PBS is a better alternative to all the other bullshit out there. That’s a very telling commentary of about how far the American people have been led astray.

To me, Big Bird dying would just be a case of chickens coming home to roost.


– Nicholas Payton aka The Savior of Archaic Pop

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